The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida (9/10)

A spiritual guide for men

The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida (9/10)

Rating: 9/10

Read More on Goodreads

🚀 The Book in 3 Sentences

  1. A spiritual guide for men
  2. An exploration of important parts of a man’s life, from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality and relationships
  3. A practical guidebook for living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom

🎨 Impressions

Overall, I really liked the book. At times, it’s very abstract, but as I am in a serious relationship, I was mostly able to draw several practical applications and parallels to my relationship and to my day-to-day life. Further, the book does a very good job of drawing important distinctions between masculine and feminine behaviors. In particular, it gives abstract as well as practical suggestions on how to work with those differences instead of pretending men and women are perfect equals.

I didn’t like that the book does get quite abstract at times and is quite repetitive. Otherwise, it would be a 10/10.

🔍 How I Discovered It

  • Goodreads

🥰 Who Would Like It?

  • Anyone in a relationship. Male-Female. Male-Male. Female-Female.

💬 My Top Quotes

“If you want real passion, you need a ravisher and a ravishee; otherwise, you just have two buddies who decide to rub genitals in bed.”

“Ongoing sexual passion requires “polarity”, a masculine pole, and a feminine pole, it doesn’t matter who takes on those roles, but the dynamic and the exchange of energy is necessary for true passion.”

“You must recognize and accept which pole you gravitate towards.”

“The feminine always seems chaotic and complicated from the perspective of the masculine.”

“Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose.”

“Admit to yourself that if you had to choose one or the other, the perfect intimate relationship or achieving your highest purpose in life, you would choose to succeed at your purpose. Just this self-knowledge often relieves much pressure a man feels to prioritize his relationship when, in fact, it is not his highest priority.”

“Tell your woman that you love her, but you cannot deny your heart’s purpose. Tell her that you will spend 30 minutes (or some specific time) with her in absolute attention and total presence, but then you must return to carry on your mission.”

“About once a week, you should sit down with your closest men friends and discuss what you are doing in your life and what you are afraid of doing. The conversation should be short and simple. You should state where you are at. Then, your friends should give you a behavioral experiment, something you can do that will reveal something to you, or grant more freedom in your life.”

“Good friends should not tolerate mediocrity in one another. If you are at your edge, your men friends should respect that, but not let you off the hook. They should honor your fears, and, in love, continue to goad you beyond them, without pushing you.”

“Choose men friends who themselves are living at their edge, facing their fears and living just beyond them. Men of this kind can love you without protecting you from the necessary confrontation with reality that your life involves.”

“The superior man is not seeking for fulfillment through work and woman, because he is already full. For him, work and intimacy are opportunities to give his gifts, and be vanished in the bliss of the giving.”

“Whereas many women waste precious time swirling in emotional currents and eddies, many men waste their birth seeking the completion of tasks. Nose to the grindstone, day after day, year after year, and you become a robot of duty. Rather, raise your eyes, see to the horizon, and do your tasks in the spirit of sweeping out your house on a sunny day.”

“The masculine grows by challenge, but the feminine grows by praise. A man must be unabashed and expressed in his appreciation for his woman. Praise her freely…Praise motivates. Challenge doesn’t. Try it. Praise specific things you love about your woman 5 to 10 times a day. Find out what happens.”

“Instead of tolerating your woman’s moods of closure and complaint, open her moods with your skillful loving. It is your gift to give. Both of you will grow more by your giving than by your tolerating. A superior man sees his woman’s moods not as a curse, but as a challenge and an amusement. There are many ways to creatively deal with her moods and help her to open. Tickle her. Take off your clothes and dance the watusi. Sing opera for her. Make animal sounds. Shout at her louder than you ever have and then kiss her passionately. Press your belly into her until she melts. Lift her off the ground and spin her around. Occasionally, talking with her helps, but not as often as humor and physically expressed love.”

“The amazing thing is this: 90% of a woman’s emotional problems stem from feeling unloved. So don’t stand back and analyze her, like a doctor diagnosing a patient, or like a therapist questioning a client. Give her your love—the same love that is motivating your questioning—immediately and unmistakably. Walk over to her, look deeply into her eyes, hold her and stroke her, tell her how much you love her, smile, hum her favorite song, and dance with her, and chances are, her emotional problem will evaporate. She may still have some situation to deal with, and you may be able to help her with that, but the emotional aspect will be converted to love.”

📒 Summary + Notes

Structure
Part One: A Man's Way
Part Two: Dealing With Women
Part Three: Working With Polarity and Energy
Part Four: What Women Really Want
Part Five: Your Dark Side
Part Six: Feminine Attractiveness
Part Seven: Body Practices
Part Eight: Men's and Women's Yoga of Intimacy